Monday, May 30, 2011

Rolling with Boulders

The haunting sound echoes deep inside of me, no surgeon's blade can find its dwelling place.  Like my blood it rushes through me, sustaining my spirit and calling me to wake up and remember what is real.  The swollen water picks up the boulders like marbles and tosses them haltingly along its time-worn depths.  That's the sound I cannot forget, the rumble of those boulders.  The reverberating, discordant rhythm is unpredictable and perfect in its chaos.  In my world of order and strait lines I am drawn to the memory of this creek, I ache for the connection I found there.  Like Psalm 42:7: Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  In those deep rumblings I first heard God's voice, that voice has never stopped calling me to "wake-up, wake-up, wake-up and remember;” like water gently splashing in the recesses of my mind.  Sadly, just like my alarm clock, I have learned to hit the snooze button when I receive God's wake-up call.  I just keep sleeping, dreaming my own small dreams about how my life should be; that is until I am rudely awakened.  Life has been kicking-my-butt for some time now and for this reason I am reconsidering my sleeping arrangement; I think it's time I learned to roll with the boulders.

Rolling with boulders requires surrender on my part, a letting go of the many things I hold on to with clenched fists.  I would like to tell you I reached this conclusion as a result of deep contemplation or even revelation, but that would not be true.  The truth is I am exhausted from swimming so long against the current of my life.  I don't know what life is like for you, but for me it is a constant juggling act while I try to balance the weight of my world on my over-burdened shoulders.  Have you ever tried to carry a much too large pile of dirty clothes to the laundry room?  The load is so big you drop a sock along the way, when you bend down to pick it up a pair of dirty underpants fall to the floor, as you pick up the underpants the dirty dance continues, piece by piece, all the way to the laundry room.  That's a snap shot of my world, but no one has asked me to carry so much, in fact, no one has asked me to carry anything at all.  I have chosen my burdens. I am surrounded by people I admire who live effortlessly enjoying their successes and embracing their failures with equal ease and grace.  I long to be one with that unpredictable water of life, no more struggling, releasing all those burdens I was never very good at carrying anyway.  If the world has enslaved me, God has set me free; all I have to do is choose to let go and float.

I think it's time for a good, long soak...and after that?  Well, don't ask me - I'm learning to live in the moment.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully said, and as I read it I was touched by something inside falling into place. Well done my friend, well done.